Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
