They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
