Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
