i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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