her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
