Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize