Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
