I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
