Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
