he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
