i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
