Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
