I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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