Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
