I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
