I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
