Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize