it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
