Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
