Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
