so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
