Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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