those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
