i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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