hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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