Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
