the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
