the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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