I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize