Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
