Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
