I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
