It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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