if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
