Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
