i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
