but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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