My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
