peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
