Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
