You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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