He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize