i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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