He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
