I wish my penis had an off switch
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
