I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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