Sry I called you an 8
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
