Your face is a jimmy john
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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