I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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