Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
