we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
