We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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