My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
