come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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