Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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