the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
