I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
