I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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