It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
