Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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