That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
