my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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