Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
