I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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