You made me cry and you don't even care
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
