Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
