Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
