What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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