I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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