i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had to cum in my sink.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
