apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Is that strawberry winking at me??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize