Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
