I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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