i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
