Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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