So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
