he thought i was a dude.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
